My Life in London: I Love Scotland

It seriously is one of my favourite places to go. The people are always friendly, the streets are very clean, you can always find a dram, eat a great meal, and hear that damned sexy accent literally everywhere you go. Yes, I am a sucker for the Scots...I nae lie to ya.

So I got to Aberdeen late on Thursday and my sistah picked me up. As usual, its always great to see Gina. She is my best friend after all.

She had a cute car – the Peugeot 308, and it actually had a bit of oomph. And of course, when I got to her flat, I could see the difference between ‘service company’ and ‘oil company’, in terms of housing. She’s staying in the swanky Kepplestone Manor, where little Gina has a 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom flat. So, not only did I get my own bathroom, with rain head shower, but all the floors in the flat are heated, so when I get up for my nightly pee, my toes didn’t get cold. No siree. They were nice and toasty. I didn’t even need slippers. It was almost like being at home. The kitchen was great, and I’m sure I could cook up a wicked meal, but when I’m there, who cookes? Certainly not us. There’s too much out there to taste.

So the next morning we drove out to Dufftown to visit the Glenfiddich distillery. On the way we saw a herd of Shetland Ponies (so cute – the little ones), and passed through the tiniest town called Blairmore. Can you believe it? Literally, if you blink, you will miss it, but sincerely, isn’t that just like the Blairmore I grew up in in Canada? Although I must say, the Blairmore I grew up in is nestled in the Rocky Mountains, but a little highlands looks just as impressive.

I love Scotch. Scotch. Scotch. Scotch. So we took a tour of the distillery and learned some pretty amazing things about the distillery process, the people who through generations continued doing the same work their fathers did before them, and blah blah blah, we got to have some scotch. Ok, so we only had a dram of the 12 year, but I invested in a bottle of the 15 year, and am looking for a decent sized bottle of the 21. It was real yummy, to say the least. And the bathroom...I could live in that bathroom

That night we continued our debauchery with Gina’s friend Avril at MalMaison, where we drank excessively and covered many bizarre topics from waxing (do you know the difference between a Brazillian and a Hollywood?), our top three hot men as of that instant (mine: Joe Cole, Carlo Cudicini, James McAvoy), and when to use the phrase ‘What you like?’ And get this, someone actually tried to flash her Prada purse at her to show how much more superior she was to us. Clearly, she flashed the wrong girls. We can spot a Prada that was so ‘several seasons ago’ in a millisecond. Don’t try to out label strangers sweetheart. Mind you, the difference between how she labels and how we label is that we don’t label. We just buy what we like.

The next day we went to Edinburgh…not as neat and tidy as Aberdeen as it is crawling with tourists, of course, but I still enjoy going there just the same. We tried to get into the Mary Kings Close haunted underground tour but it was sold out (mental note to pre-book next time) so we opted for a tour across the street that told us we will be TERRIFIED of the vault tour, so we thought, what the heck.

So basically, we had a woman tell us ghost stories in a dark room. Disappointing, I know, but do not waste your money with this company. We walked to a church step where she told us some Scottish history (of which I’m sure the majority were lies), then we walked to some other steps where she told us about how they used to dispose of waste (again, what does this have to do with the vaults?), then we finally made it to the vaults of the south bridge. We went into 3 (yes, 3) vaults where she told us ghost stories in the dark and damp cold. If there were ghosts there, they were probably annoyed by the lack of originality.

But being someone who is unwillingly a channeler…there was nothing going on down there but people being had. Again, pre-book the other tour since you actually get to see some history, and maybe some of the paranormal. We ended our day at the Mussel Inn where I ate the best clam chowder ever, ate some sinful scallops, and waddled to do some final shopping at John Lewis. On the way home, we rented the House Bunny (funny). We settled though. We wanted to watch the complete history of my sexual failures but it was out. Hopefully I can find it tonight.

Or I guess I could just review my current personal life. 

My last half day in Scotland was spent in Banchory, where we started with ‘brunch’ at the River Feugh restaurant and tearoom overlooking the Falls of Feugh. We should have just gone for tea because holy crap, their scones looked amazing. Then there was this shortbread cake filled with a ton of cream and strawberries. The cake looked just short of one foot high (and I’m seriously not exaggerating). I don’t know what they did to the whipped cream and strawberries to make them so dense to hold up the cake (I think the center was about 5 inches thick). I’m thinking gelatine was involved? I am not sure…I need to figure it out. We had a great meal of brie wedges, then fig stuffed with brie, wrapped in parma and baked, followed by neeps, tatties and haggis stuffed chicken. It was the only meal I ate that day.

We made our way to Crathes Castle where we did an indoor tour and then walked the gardens. There wasn’t much blooming of course, but there was so much budding. The daffodils are days away from full bloom, the trees are budding, and some actually had some blossoms. It smelled great. After all that walking, we felt a bit peckish so we went to the Milton at Crathes where we had some tea…and SCONES with double cream and preserves. Mmmmmm