contemplating life and the inevitable

may is always an interesting month for me. in the past, it meant things like playoffs, my best friend's birthday, highschool graduation, heading into exams, into summer jobs, and into warm air. but in the past six years, may has become my month of reflection.

for those who know me very well, you know that my dad died in may, and for an unsteady two weeks of trying to find our feet again, we lost our uncle vince as well. it was a big blow to my family and the dynamics changed so infinitely, only someone who has experienced such a lost can attest to the fact.

aside from my dad's death being sad, it was also a good time for my family. you're much closer to your remaining parent and you want to protect them at any cost (much to their annoyance), you get closer to those you didn't think you could, like with lulu (love you cug) and you learn so many things about yourself and others around you.

it was easy to tell who had lost a parent. my first week back at work, people were either awkward around me and not knowing what to say (still had 2 parents) and those who, regardless of the fact that it wasn't their parent that recently passed, the past pain is reflected in their eyes and it was their words that meant the most to me. i could have more meaningful chats with heather and jodee, mind you over many tears, but it was worth it.

and what do i find this may?

my close friends lost their friend heather to a long battle of breast cancer. she was only 33. i have 3 years on her, and i can look back on those 3 years and be thankful i had them. i bet she didn't regret a thing because she lived life to the fullest, and what a role model she is and will continue to be. and now i have an aunt who is nearing the end of her journey. i had a feeling when i said goodbye to her when i left canada that i was probably saying goodbye for good. its just weird to get the confirmation. but who knows, she could surprise us all and perhaps i will see her in the autumn. part of me feels sad that i won't be there if she does decide its time for her to go, but at the same time, its this very thing that drove me here in the first place. to live my life as fully as i can.

so may just keeps on giving me reasons to reflect no? and my reflection this may focuses on dreams. do you know what yours are? do you have any? and what's stopping you from acheiving them? do you have a list of things you want to do (and not just a bucket list) but one that as you cross things off you add things on as well? i have a list.

moving here was on that list, and the list continues to shrink and grow the more time i start living my life as my own.

i've allowed these things on my list to enter my life, so they keep on coming. how's that for a little law of attraction?

so...advice this may, to you, includes:
- if there's a person out there you like, don't try to 'save the friendship'. just go for it. younger, older, too skinny, too fat, not funny enough, not perfect, kiss them and see what happens right geena? it might work out, it might not but you don't know til you try.
- if you've always wanted to see what you looked like as a blonde....then do it. its just hair, it'll grow back again
- if you want to go somewhere and are worried that you might dip a bit into your savings...then dip. you can't take that money with you when you go and who says you have to leave anything behind? no need to bequeath to anyone but yourself.
- if your dream is to manage the quinvention of the dionne quintuplets like my friend Leonard, then give him a call. i'm sure he'll want to talk to you!
- and in the words of the great gina ritchie...don't eat salad on your maybe last day! if you want a chicken wing starter followed by pizza, a pint and a big slice of banoffee pie, then do it.

what the hell are you waiting for?

ok - enough seriousness....its time to dive into that huge hunk of watermelon that has been patiently waiting on my plate while i get all deep. mmmmm, watermelon.

xoxo
gossip girl...i mean...dodo