blogging in the middle of nowhere

i'm at the chartered institute of technology in cookham UK and i get the grand pleasure of staying in their dorm room while on the 3 day course. it literally is a dorm room with an ensuite. and as i stare out my window, i see a miriad of things....a yellowing elm, a gigantic chess set, croquet, the edinburgh food hall, middle aged professionals pacing the green whilst talking to in their crackberry... i'll admit though that the food hall is pretty decent, except for the coffee. why can't anyone ever get the coffee right?

its camp, for adults

the major bonus is the cheap booze, god how i loved the cheap booze as a student at the 'student lounge' (for me - the Den)...and yes, i was even able to order archers and lemonade. so...student lounge with selection. take that Den....no beer by the jug with questionable liquids hiding in your every dark corner.

i must say...i've been gathering some material for my fat camp book by attending this course. i'm thinking my book needs a bit of a content change... i'm thinking the heroine needs to move from a 12 year old girl to a 36 year old woman on a professional retreat. i think it could get more raunchy without it being overly naughty. and seriously...the people i'm meeting....you just can't make them up.

there's this gal, and i can't believe its a gal...who contains so many of the traits that i just loathe. she's annoying, interrupts the instructor, finishes everyone's sentences and usually gets it wrong, says 'ya' all the time in agreement that makes me want to ask why the hell are you here if you're such an expert, she kicks off her shoes and invades my foot space with her bare feet, and even puts them on my chair. then! to top it off, she asks to use my computer to check email cuz she doesn't have connection here...i say ok, just as i run to the loo but i'm working on a big problem at work and this is my only time to deal with it...i come back from my pee and SHE'S USING FACEBOOK and makes me wait. f*cking princess....she's high maintenance and gives all women a bad name....whew....all vented....

oh if looks could kill....

so tell me my friend, if you're reading this...how can i possibly learn to love my neighbour when all i want to do is bitch slap her?!?

ok, i promise, i'm all vented...but wait...

THEN...we get to the 'she's a foreigner so what does she know' business....perhaps i might know a bit since i've worked with a global audience jackass....ok.....i promise, i'm done. but that brings the total to 2 people i want to bitch slap at this course.

see....its a novel in the works. booker prize fo' sho'.